As any normal, insane waiting-adoptive-mama would, I've been obsessing over numbers lately. It seems the average length of time for an expedited LOA (Letter of Acceptance or China adoption approval) right now is 16 days. So I completely expected to have our LOA by day 16, which was a week ago. And after we didn't get it last Friday, I completely expected it Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, and...well, you get it. Each day this week, I felt more defeated, more depressed, less energetic, and more confused.
Why does it feel like God was so "in" this process before and now things just seem silent? I would start to pray, but then stop. I had already prayed the same thing 100's of times, so what was the use now? He already knows what I want. And I can't think of any good reason why he'd want a sick child to stay in an orphanage one more day than he had to. So I just didn't get it. I started to get slightly irritated at God and then guilty because who am I to get irritated at God? But I was.
I knew I needed one great thought to hang onto....some Truth that I believed so strongly with my head AND my heart that it would overshadow every doubt that God had somehow forgotten or abandoned us. I couldn't find that thought. I listened to music, read my Bible, and listened to others' wisdom. I believed things with my head, but my heart was still so discouraged. I couldn't find the answer to why He hadn't done something for us yet.
Today I dropped C & L off at preschool and headed to Aldi to buy some groceries. I drove by a church that usually has weird announcements on it's sign, so I always read it. Once it announced a Duck Dynasty Bible study, which both intrigued and terrified me. Today it had pixelated purple lilies and a Good Friday message.
Today it's Good Friday.
Good Friday.
Why hasn't God doesn't something for me?!?!
Really Jodi?!
He did something for me that I could never have done for myself. He did something for me that no one else on earth could have ever done for me. He actually DIED for me and then offered me relationship with Him where I can experience peace in the midst of turmoil.
That's it. That's the thought, the TRUTH, the reminder I needed. It's perspective. God has done EVERYTHING for me. Without Him, I don't know what my life would be.
And this God, this One who gave His entire life for me...do I really think He has abandoned me? Abandoned Josiah? Abandoned the thing He has called me to do? I don't think I need to actually answer those questions.
Because He didn't stay dead. I'm sure those three days felt like an eternity to the disciples. Maybe like the last two weeks has felt like an eternity to me. But it was the waiting time. It didn't make sense, that God was waiting, just leaving Jesus dead in a tomb. But He was waiting to do something so amazing that it just had to wait, just a little longer, for it to be perfectly executed.
So I'm waiting on God to execute His plan. And I'm believing it's a perfect and brilliant plan.
It's Friday, but Sunday's coming!!
