One(ish) Month

This past month has been c.r.a.z.y.

A few days after we got Luyana in China, we could tell something was up with her medically and developmentally, more than we had hoped. There was a doctor there also adopting and he started talking to us about Luyana's Cerebral Palsy, as if it was just common knowledge that she had it. We had thought it was a possibility, but didn't really think about it much until he talked to us. In China, when she ran, her body would turn completely sideways as if one side was dragging the other side along. When she walked, it was like one leg was stronger than the other. When she tried to climb up or down stairs, she crumpled. One night, I just panicked about it all. If it was true, I didn't know what that meant for her future and I was really freaking out. I emailed a few people who I knew would pray for us. I don't really know what they prayed, but I know what happened. Yesterday she was zipping through the house, and running as straight as could be. No more side running, no more leg lagging, and she's starting to build muscle in her legs and can climb stairs with assistance (!!!!!!). Our doctor said, "I don't see any CP."

BUT, when we had our first doctor's appointment, he noticed what we noticed, something is up with this girl...something more. He didn't think it was CP, he thought she had a certain syndrome. Again, we knew the possibility of a syndrome, but we really didn't want it to be THIS ONE. It would involve years of injections and medications, monitoring of many different organs and body systems, with many social and emotional implications. It was so overwhelming to think about, we didn't even share it with many people.

This morning I woke up CRANKY. Going from one child to two is hard. Adoption is HARD. Two toddlers....well, I don't recommend it. Even more than that, I don't recommend ever attempting to take a photo of two toddlers together and expect anything good to come of it. It will always end up like this:

(And then sometimes, when you want to do a blog post, you just put those 2 moody toddlers down for naps crazy early and hope for the best.)

The doctor's office called early this morning and my cranky self answered the phone. Her chromosome testing, they said, NORMAL. She doesn't have that syndrome. It was like someone pulled a plug and all of this emotional pressure just released. I looked over at Luyana who was eating her second breakfast and smiled while I was on the phone, she smiled back and waved 'hi'. Like I said, adoption is not easy, but I'm holding on to this moment like I'd hold on to a million dollars. Amazing medical news and a returned smile (this is a new development with her!).

So now we're on to figure what really is going on with Luyana. A few weeks ago it was confirmed that she has congenital scoliosis, which we had assumed she had from the start. We're waiting to be referred to a specialist to see what needs to be done next...bracing? Surgery? We don't know yet. The other things that caused the doctor to wonder about the syndrome will need to be looked into as well, but I'm very hopeful and optimistic. I'm so ready to get this medical stuff figured out and do whatever it is we need to do for this kiddo!

I went back and forth about whether or not to share this information publically, but I want to because I know some people who read this may be interested in adoption. And maybe I can persuade you to look into China Special Needs adoption?! Yes, its scary. Its been scary since the moment we read her file and realized how many unknowns there were. Yes, its hard. I cry almost every day. But then this morning, Luyana wanted to eat her cereal on my lap and even laid her head on my chest twice. This is monumental for her and for us. And those moments, the smiles, the initiation of physical affection, the blossoming of this precious one, it has to be worth it. It is worth it. And I know that more hard times are to come, but with them, even greater strides toward healing for us all.

I missed the one month anniversary of having Luyana. I'm pretty sure that day ended up being one of those stay-in-your-pjs-don't-have-time-to-brush-teeth, please-let's-all-just-get-along kind of days and I didn't have the energy or the ability to post photos and celebrate (although it is absolutely worth celebrating!). So, I bring to you the transformation:  First photo is Luyana in her orphanage, the second is Luyana on the day we got her, and the last is Luyana now (ok, the last 4 pictures, I had a hard time picking!). The crazy, loud, fun, active, playful, brilliant girl that we are learning to love more and more every day.

My Life in Two Pictures

Luyana - She gets very quiet, wide-eyed, and observant in public. When people she doesn't know talk to her, she stares at them as if they have 7 heads and fruit trees growing out of their ears. At home, she loves to wrestle, yell and scream, and do anything, in general, that is loud. She will try to drown out all other noise with the noise of her own voice.

Camden - He makes friends instantly in public. Doesn't matter if its an 85 year old man or a baby, he loves everyone and will talk to anyone. He will wrestle until his feelings get hurt, which takes about 2 1/2 minutes. He is sensitive to sound and ever since he started talking complains that things are "TOO loud!"

So you can imagine how it has been. These photos were taken one after the other. Enough said.

We're Home!

Wow, we spent A LOT of time waiting in airports the last couple of days! Our first flight took us from Guangzhou to Shanghai. We had a 7 hour layover in Shanghai and then our flight was delayed, so the layover became even longer. Thankfully the airports in China's big cities are pretty nice!

Guangzhou airport...it even had a play room!

Taking a nap, airport style:

She LOVED this "da doo doo" (car) which was a good way to waste some time during our 7+ hour layover in Shanghai.

 

Saying "bye bye!" to all the planes taking off:

 

Seriously people, let's get going.

 

First timeout. She kept running away and we didn't want to chase her for 7+ hours, so we had to do it. It worked ;) 

She learned how to sign "more" after watching her friend Ellie sign it, here she is asking for more yogurt, which she loves and has really helped her digestive issues!

 

It was so nice to have some of our family at the airport to welcome us home, especially since our flights were delayed and didn't arrive until 1:30 a.m.!  When we got home, we had planned to let Camden keep sleeping, but he woke up anyway. When I went in his room, he was shocked and happy to see me, but then he quickly stared out the door in anticipation, knowing his Mei Mei was going to come through the door next. Mark came through carrying Luyana and he got the hugest smile on his face. He stroked her arm and cheek and kept saying "Mei Mei" so sweetly and then said, "She's so beautiful." (No joking, this kid is the sweetest.) We then got out pretty much every toy in the whole entire house to play with. Unfortunately, so far, the picture below is my only picture from home and it was taken at about 3:00 a.m. last night! Today we basically tried to unpack and learn how to manage two 2-year-olds. Every time I held one, the other was there in seconds wanting to be held, which made heldee #1 a little annoyed. But so far, they seem to really like each other. Camden had her laughing at dinner and sharing is going as good as to be expected given the certain situation.

When we were on our long flight from Shanghai to Chicago, Luyana and I were hanging out at the back of the plane for a little while to let her get out some energy. An older flight attendant was admiring Luyana and held out her hands to her. Luyana thought she was holding out her hand to help her walk, so she reached one arm up. So the flight attendant scooped her up and held her, kind of encouraging her to rest her head on her shoulder. I was surprised Luyana didn't struggle, so I peeked around to see her face and she looked terrified and had silent tears running down her cheeks. This was confirmation to me that cacooning is necessary for us. She is an active little girl and does seem to be making progress everyday, but there is fear and insecurity that we need to work through. We thank you all for understanding and I will try to get some better pictures tomorrow. (You know, in between changing 6 poopy diapers, which was the grand total for today!)

Last Post from China!!!

So as we prepare to come home, I have some things to say.

1. You see all these cute pictures of Luyana and you think, "Oh, she is so loved and happy! She will adjust so quickly and everything will be wonderful." No. The reality is that emotionally, she is much like an infant. Developmentally, about a 12-15 month old. Energy level and independence, exactly her age at almost 2 1/2 years old. This is not an easy combination and honestly, everyday gets harder with her. We have a long road with a lot of hard work ahead of us.

2. THANK YOU. Thank you for all of your prayers. I can't imagine what this trip would have been like if it had not been for all the support, love, and prayers we received while we were here. A few days I started to feel like I was barely hanging on, but then I would get a surge of energy and optimism, which I know had to be from all of the wonderful people back home praying for us.

3. We still need you. We need you to pray for all of us as we adjust to being a family of 4. Pray for Luyana as we find out what all is going on with her medically and for her heart (emotionally) to be healed. We also need you to understand that it will take us some time to adjust. For starters, if you have never experienced a 12 hour time change and the subsequent jet lag, it is indescribable. We will be in survival mode, for sure, for at least a week or two. After that, we will need some serious time to "cocoon" with our family. Meaning we will be staying in a lot to establish a new routine and help Luyana get settled and adjusted before we expose her to the big, crazy American world! We are excited to show her off and have her meet all the people that already love her, but we will need to do it at her pace. I hope people will understand that this is about her need to adjust to a new life and not about our desire to keep her from anyone!

Thank again, from the bottom of hearts. This is the last time you will hear from me in China! Zai jian!

.....

For our last day here, we went to a little playground. The girl loved it! Made me wish it was summer back home instead of snowy winter!


Loved the slide:

I see you!

 

She wanted to hang like the other kids:

Being cute for the Chinese Grandmas.

 

"I will sit here for your dumb picture, but I will not smile."

One Full Day Left....WE CAN DO IT!!

Today we did very little! Our American friends left this morning, so we ate breakfast with them and then waited for my Chinese friend, Pam, to get to Guangzhou. We napped, Luyana napped, we played, we ate junk food. It was basically wonderful. Then Pam arrived and we had dinner with her, her husband, and their adorable daughter. I met Pam 12 years ago (yikes) when I was teaching in Beijing. It seems impossible that it was that long ago! Her daughter is 19 months old, Luyana is 27 months old, so you can see what a peanut Luyana is!

 

All of us at dinner:

 

Trying to get a picture of the girls together. I bet you can't tell we're trying to lean out of the picture. Also, I love the mushroom hanging out of Luyana's mouth.

 

Back at the hotel, we put Luyana to sleep and I looked out the window into people's apartments (total creeper, I know) and watched the world go by from 12 stories up. One more full day in China. As I'm nearing the end of my 5th trip to China, I'm wondering the same thing I always do...will I ever come back? While being here is not always easy, a part of me feels like it's home. The smells, even the not-so-good smells, are comforting. The noise of car horns and traditional Chinese music and people chattering drifting through the window is one of my favorite sounds to fall asleep to. And now we are forever connected to this place in an even deeper and richer sense as it is our daughter's homeland. Somewhere in this huge country she has a birth mother and a birth father who may be thinking about her right now, not realizing she is about to get on a plane and go to her new home in America. I wish I could tell them how much we will love her and how well we will take care of her. I wish we could assure them that everything will be ok. Maybe someday we will, maybe not. But I hope, at least, that that this is not our last trip.

 

But don't go thinking we're going to adopt again...I'm thinking some great leisurely trip where everything is easy and everyone is happy and we shop and eat and tour and enjoy. That's all I can think about now anyway :)