Remembering

One year ago, I took Camden to the park to take pictures of him wearing his Big Brother shirt holding Luyana's picture. I remember the ecstatic feeling I had that day, we had finally locked her file and had been officially matched with her. It had taken several emotional months to get to that point. Today, a year later, I took Camden and Luyana to that same park. I happened to have my camera with me, so I promised to make the kids cookies if they'd allow me to take some photos in the same spots. (It worked!)  Sometimes I look at her and still can't believe she's here. WOW. How amazing to look back and remember God's faithfulness and His hand in this journey!!

YeYe

There's been something unsettled in the pit of my stomach since we visited Lulu's orphanage. When we were there in December, several nannies came to say goodbye to Lu. They'd scoop her up and swoon away in Mandarin while she arched away from them with a look that said, "Do I know you?". Her eyes would dart back and forth between them and Mark and I. Her expression never really changed during the several hours we were there. She didn't seem happy or sad or scared or anything. Emotionless. I've been worried about this. Did she connect to anyone there? Did anyone cherish her and love her and know her the way she was supposed to be? Even if it was just for a few minutes a day?

When we were home, I'd show Lu pictures and video from the orphanage and she'd point out herself only. I'd point to nannies and other children and ask in Mandarin and English, "Zhe shi shui? Who is this?" No response. She'd point back to herself in the photo and say her Chinese name. 2 1/2 years and she can't even tell me who they are? It didn't seem right.

This past Saturday I decided to give it another shot. I opened the picture files on my computer and called Lulu over. She climbed up on my lap and started looking intently at  the one nanny that is pictured most in the photos....."YEYE!!!" She cried, very excitedly. My mind started turning...yeye can mean grandma in Chinese...I remembered that they called some of the nannies grandma. "This is Yeye?" I asked her. She beamed and I showed her more of the same woman. "Yeye! Yeye!" I was blinking back tears and I pulled up a video. At first Lulu is with some other nannies in the video and then Yeye comes over and Lulu practically jumps off the couch, "Yeye come!!!"  

Mark then came over and said to Lu, "Do you love Yeye?" She nodded yes emphatically with a huge smile on her face. At this point, its all I can do to keep myself from curling up on the floor and sobbing. She was loved and she loved. And maybe she was only loved for an hour a day, but I just needed to know that someone, before us, realized her worth.

It took me about 3 minutes to upload all the pictures of Yeye and send them off to be printed. Yeye is framed in Lu's bedroom and Lu has a little book with photos of Yeye in it that she can carry around. I wish so much that Yeye had come to say goodbye to Lu; I don't know why she didn't and I probably won't ever know why.

The first couple of months were such a hard adjustment for all of us. Luyana in particular, of course. Was she grieving Yeye? Was it too hard for her to look at those pictures at first? Her little mind couldn't yet sort it out, I'm sure. I'm so glad now we can bring the memory of Yeye into our home and cherish it. THANK YOU YEYE, wherever you are, thank you for loving my daughter.

Lulu, 22 months old, and Yeye

Lulu, almost 2 years old, and Yeye playing outside

 

 Yeye helping Lulu cut her birthday cake

Yeye and Lulu, one month before she joined our family