When I was in 4th grade, I was a Kindergarten Helper. This meant that when it was time for the morning kindergarteners to get on the bus, I'd go get my little partner and make sure she got on the bus. My 5 year old girl brought a metal cooking pot to school and sucked on it and told me when she sucked on it, water came out. I told her water did not come out of it and gave her a look that said, "you are a total weirdo". Everyday as the clocked ticked closer to the time to leave to go down to the kindergarten class, I'd start to get antsy. 5 more minutes...will my teacher remember I have to go? 4 more minutes...what if he forgets? 3 more minutes...how will my little weirdo find her way to the bus? 2 more minutes...I'm going to be late, I know it... One day when I got back from helping, a classmate told me that after I left the classroom, my teacher said, "That girl has a bee in her bonnet." I had no clue what that meant, but I do now.
And I think my teacher knew me very well.
bee in one's bonnet: a single idea or a thought that remains in one's mind; an
obsession. (*Typically: get ~; have ~; give one ~.) I have a bee in my bonnet over that cool new car I saw, and I
can't stop thinking about it. I got a bee in my
bonnet about swimming. I just wanted to go swimming all the time. (From: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/bonnet)
In this adoption process, I want to be super-patient, trusting, and nonchalant. When people ask me how the adoption is going, I want them to walk away with a sense of how breezy I am about the whole thing. "Oh she's so calm; what a wonderful person she must be". When I cheerfully say, "Its going well, just waiting for paperwork to go to China so we can get a match", it's kind of like a big fat lie. Not technically a lie, yes, we are waiting for our paperwork to go to China so we can get a match. But really I HAVE A GIANT BEE IN MY BONNET about the whole thing.
I've already learned a lot about trusting and waiting and there's a lot more waiting to come. Mark and I have made a deal to try to pray together every day about it. But, honestly, I've had bees in my bonnet at least since I was 9 years old, so I can't imagine I'll be very bee-free for the rest of the process. A warning of sorts, I suppose, to myself, to anyone who asks me about the process, and to anyone who reads this blog. The reality is that so far this process has been very smooth for us, but smooth or rough, my eyes are going to be on that clock until our little girl is in my arms.
Jodi, thank you for sharing your story. I admire so much what you and Mark are doing. I've been following along and often think, "goodness, why don't I tell Jodi I'm thinking about her?!" I wish you the best of luck and know the painful waiting will result in a lifetime of joy. As someone who has a bee in her bonnet every day about things much less meaningful, I want you to you know you have full support from an old friend (Sara Winchester). :) We should plan another reunion soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sara!!! It means a lot to me. And I'm glad you understand :) And YES, let's do another reunion SOON.
DeleteWe waited YEARS, so I know how HARD the wait is, especially because when we started the process, we thought it would be a year or less! One Christmas time, I had to leave the store because I was crying so hard because I knew it would be another Christmas without her being here.
ReplyDeletePeople thought we were crazy anyway and when I would talk about "Haleigh", I could tell they really didn't believe it was going to happen. I think the lack of support was the hardest part of the journey for us. It changed for the most part after we had a picture of her but there were still others who were unsupportive. One family member actually thought we would get to China, realize that she was right all along(that we were too old) and return without Haleigh! She was mad for MONTHS afterwards!
Once the paperwork was DTC and logged in, we celebrated that "anniversary" in some way each month. It helped the time pass. I also joined a "swap" group. We had a gift theme for each month and swapped gifts to pass the time. Ideas were "bath time", "bed time", "holidays", even "colors."
Thankfully, the time won't be so long for you, but it is still HARD! Once you get that picture, you just want to get them in your arms! Like, yesterday! :) Thoughts and prayers!
Thanks for sharing Judi! I can't imagine what it was like for you guys to wait soooooo long and its especially discouraging to hear how unsupportive people were for you. Its hard to know you are doing the right thing and then think that people you love will disagree, judge, or not support you in it! Part of the process, I guess. Thank you for your support and prayers, extremely appreciated! I am part of a facebook group and we do a monthly swap too, which is definitely fun and helpful :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I guess I am a bee in my bonnet kind of person too. Facebook group...? what ?? How did you find out about that? Is it only local?
ReplyDeleteGlad I'm not the only one! :) Just messaged you about the FB group!
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