Introducing....

On February 5, I looked on my agency's website and saw the cutest little girl. Her mouth was open and I just wanted to smooch it. My breath caught short, but I doubted. Our home study was just finished and our paperwork wasn't even in China. I emailed our agency consultant about her anyway and heard NO. No, she is too close in age to your son. She's too cute, I thought, to be my daughter. So I prayed, "Dear Lord, please provide a wonderful family for this precious girl, a family who will love her forever. And keep her safe and loved until they come." I kept checking her status and a few weeks later, I breathed a sigh of relief, she was matched with a family. "Thank you Lord for answering prayers."

Friday, May 17, 7 a.m., I'd already been up way too long due to a certain small person in this house who is a ridiculously early riser. He was watching Elmo and I was groggily checking facebook. A face popped up on my news feed - HER face, the same open-mouthed, smoochable face. An advocacy friend was posting that her family had to back out for personal reasons and she was available again. My heart skipped a beat or three or ten. I emailed Mark, "Can I ask again?" "That's fine", he said. Dear adoption agency lady, please please please reconsider us. Love, Jodi. Or something like that. YES, she said, you may look at her file, but it might not work out because of this reason, and that reason, oh and that other reason.

Friday we read her file and reread her file and we had questions. Nobody answered their phone on the weekend. No specialists to review her file, no agency lady to tell us if she'll put her file on hold for us. So I waited, and my heart grew and grew and I pictured her sitting at our dinner table and playing outside with Little Buddy and I teared up with doubt. Maybe this isn't it. Maybe the barriers are too great. Maybe the timing is all wrong. Maybe...

Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday... Holy Emotional Rollercoaster. One review came in and the doctor said lots of problems, she could have lots and lots of problems. I panicked and started googling every possible problem, Mark starting shutting down. I bawled like a baby on Monday night when I felt like we were losing her, I walked around like a zombie in a cloud of confusion on Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon we got a call from a specialist who said he didn't see anything that indicated any major problems. Through tears, I asked him, "Are you sure?" What about this? What about that? Nope, we don't see that, he said, and by the way he said (more than once), she's really cute. I hung up with the specialist and lost it. Wednesday - another doctor responds and confirmed the first doctor's report; there are a lot of unknowns. I go from wanting to do a heel-click in the parking lot of Aldi, just sure everything was going to be fine to laying in my bed crying, thinking we were crazy for even considering it. Thursday, May 23. Mark walked in the door from work and out it came, all my emotions, all my thoughts, all my fears about saying yes, but specifically the greater fear of saying no. I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't say no to her. He stood up, walked over to the counter, picked up the mail, and said, "Well let's do it then." (Oh to be a man!).
There's more to this story which I will share later. But I know you just want to get to the good stuff, so here it is:

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW.

OUR DAUGHTER 
(We haven't agreed on a name yet! But we're getting there...)
She'll be 2 years old in September. We love her so much! 
This photo was taken in May of this year.

Here  is the first picture I ever saw of her (9 months old).
Doesn't she look oh so smoochable?!

Also 9 months here: