It's amazing what $20 can do...

There is something that is so spiritual about the adoption process. I know a lot of you followed our first adoption and watched all the crazy amazing things that God did. The Smile post comes to mind. 

Here are some amazing things ways God used you guys this week:

1. A few people gave generously to our YouCaring account!

2. My cousin offered to make her already-planned Thirty-One Party a fundraiser for our adoption!

3. My good friend from college and her super-amazing musician husband are organizing a concert fundraiser for us in Ohio!

4. Someone gave us $20.

Yes, that's right. Sometimes you need to hear from God in a very specific way. You need him to show up in a way that reminds you that He is listening and He knows exactly what you need, down to the last dollar.

So this past week, we had to watch a mandatory training video online in order for our home study to be completed. We got to the website and realized it was $18.50 to watch the video. Mark and I looked at each other like, "Really?!" I know it doesn't seem like much, but after a month of having to buy a new dryer, furnace, and refrigerator, $18.50 was about to send me right over the edge. Then I remembered something. "Mark! Someone gave us $20 today!" I just felt God speaking to me at that time, telling me that He was watching out for us. That He would provide every dollar at exactly the right time. I don't need to panic right now about the $20,000+ more we will eventually need. It will come when we need it.

So, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has already given. I'm in awe of the friends who are plowing forward and helping us with amazing fundraisers. And to the person who listened to God and gave us the exact right amount of money we needed on the exact right day, thank you.

Praying for abundance

Recently it's been hard not to get discouraged. Why must adoption be so expensive?! Since we are expediting this adoption, we need to have the money in 4 months instead of 12. If at any time during the process we don't have the money, we have to stop and wait until the money comes.

Right after we started the process, our dryer had to be replaced. Two days later, our furnace stopped working and had to be replaced as well. Recently we started noticing chunkage in our milk and today realized it's because our fairly new fridge isn't working as it should. 

I called Mark at work about the fridge, somewhat in a panic. I may or may not have been crying. He then reminded me of a passage from 2 Corinthians - a passage that I had reminded him of a few weeks ago: 

"Now I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully, And God is able to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have abundance for every good deed...Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness..."

We know God will provide and we would be so humbled and over-the-top grateful for anyone who would like to journey with us and be a part of this amazing journey to bring XT home. He needs all of us!

Here are some ways to help:

1. Donate directly to our YouCaring page. 

2. We need a van. We've crammed 3 car seats in the back of our Corolla for as long as possible! And in a few months, it will be 4 car seats. So, if you know of anyone who is selling a mini-van at a good price, let us know!

3. We are thinking of doing a silent auction fundraiser in February. If you have any item or service you'd like to donate, let us know! (Doesn't have to be anything something big or expensive. I will post a list of ideas later this week.)

4. There are some other items we need. If you or someone you know has any of these items and would like to sell or donate, let us know!

-crib mattress  (donated!)

-boys size 18mo. - 2T spring/summer clothes 

-convertible car seat (donated!)

It's so hard to write this post, I'm honestly worried people will think we shouldn't be doing this if we don't have the resources. The only thing I can say to that is that we feel this is what God wants us to do and we believe He will provide. And really, He already has been providing! We are also going to be applying for grants, although most grants will not be able to approve us for the grant and pay us before we actually travel. So we are trusting that God will provide through various ways. And we would love, love, love to have you join us!

You prayed, didn't you?!?!

You guys!! You prayed, didn't you?!?!

Today we had our home visit and our home study social worker said our home study would probably be done ONE AND A HALF WEEKS from now. Say wha...?! Like she's moving faster than me! Now I'm scrambling to get a few things done this week to keep up with her. Keep praying! We have a few documents hanging out there (background clearances and a letter from my doctor) that need to come for her to finish it. Then we need a few letters from specialists so that we can complete the next step the second that home study is finished!

And right now we're working on the possibility of finding a donor near XT who would be willing to donate blood so we can pay for some extra transfusions while he waits. When I first thought of this idea, I didn't even pursue it because it seemed like such a long shot. But with the encouragement of some other moms with kiddos with the same condition, I sent out some emails and made a few phone calls and now we just wait to see if everyone is in agreement that this is something that can happen.

Oh my heavens, people, keep praying!!

**On a side note, when the home study worker walked into our house, the first thing Camden said was, "This is our cat, Lucy. She's really mean and she bites people." Sheesh! She bit one person once like a year ago and she really isn't mean. Later when we were giving her the home tour, Camden insisted that she look inside our bedroom closet. Literally the only closet I didn't organize last week. The closet I shoved all the dirty laundry and miscellaneous items in. That kid!

Please, please pray.

Please, please, please pray for our little guy. We got an update on him two days before Christmas and it was not what we wanted to hear. If you haven't read about his condition yet and would like to, click here.

Our biggest concern is how long he is going between blood transfusions. His hemoglobin levels are so low, he is at risk for cardiac arrest. And because of lack of medication, his organs are enlarged and he is losing his hair. I had been so hopeful that this wouldn't be the case for him and it hit me for the first time that he really could die before we get to him. After a day of crying, Mark and I had some very good talks. We reminded each other that God can sustain him though any health struggle. He can keep his little body functioning at a level you and I could never survive. So that is our prayer. While we will trust God whatever the outcome, we so badly want to bring him home. We want to see what good medical care will do for him. We want to see him happy, see him smile, see him live and thrive. 

We have been considering naming him Josiah, which means "Jehovah has healed". I like it because it is past-tense. We believe this promise. Either God will completely heal him by taking him to heaven, or we will get to participate in his healing here on earth. 

We are trying to expedite his adoption. If the expedite works, we could be leaving as early as April to go get him. But, unfortunately, most of the process is not dependent on how quickly we can do things, but on how quickly others do things and whether or not the right people approve the expedite. So here are our specific prayer requests. Will you pick one and lift it up to God right now for us? And as you think of us and our little guy, lift it up to God again and again?

1. Pray our home study worker will complete our home study FAST (this is our first step). Along with that, that there will be no delay in the paperwork that goes along with the home study.

2. That God will sustain our little guy until we can get him. That the lack of medical care will not do permanent damage to his organs.

3. Pray that U.S. immigration will approve the expedite. This will shave a lot of time off of the process if they will approve it. I've heard rumors that they are not currently allowing expedite for kids with thalassemia. Whether or not that's true, we believe God can allow it to happen!

4. Pray that we will not have any snags in getting our China paperwork together. And pray that China will agree to expedite. (And that our agency will assist us in all of this.)

5. Pray for our finances. Adoption is expensive, really expensive. And I know some people think that you shouldn't do it if you can't afford it. But I can't even go there right now. No, we can't afford it and we especially can't afford it in a 4 month span of time. But we know God has all the resources in the world and we need Him to provide for us.

Thank you sincerely for each and every prayer. It means so much to us! Here is a recent picture of him. It's a sad picture and it breaks my heart because I know how sick he must feel.

Living Sacrifice

This past fall, I started feeling a stirring in my soul. I felt unsettled. Something was missing or maybe I was missing something. I started dreaming about my days living and working in China. My mind and my soul then went further back and I remembered the desires I had for my life as a teenager and young adult. I started contemplating then on my personal spiritual growth in the past few years. I can feel and see that God has constantly been pruning me to be a better mother. To love more. To sacrifice more. And I realized that motherhood....motherhood has been my calling. Before I ever dreamed of being a world traveler, I dreamed of being a mother. When I became a mother, I honestly wasn't great at it. I got really irritated at my kids, I resented them sometimes when I felt like they were sucking the life out of me, and I starting experiencing heightened depression and anxiety. But God kept teaching me, changing me, challenging me, and healing me.  It's becoming more natural to put myself and my desires aside for my children. It's been surprising to experience increased joy with increased sacrifice.

This past fall, when I started aching for more, I knew it had to do with my calling of motherhood. I started tentatively and nervously approaching God: "Adoption again? Are you sure?" Because, you know, it's expensive, and Mark's going to think I've lost my marbles, and our house is small and we don't even have a mini van. But my heart kept aching. I kept thinking, "God, if a boy such-and-such age with such-and-such special need becomes available, I'm not going to be able to say no to him." 

So then one morning, I saw there were some new children listed on our old agency's Facebook page. AND THERE HE WAS. A boy. Such-and-such age with such-and-such special need. Out loud, I cried, "No! No! No! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" because I KNEW I was going to have to have to tell Mark! I'd have to admit I wanted to do it again and he was going to tell me I was crazy. And HE DID...at first. But then we had several days of talking, and talking, and more talking, and asking questions, and answering questions, and praying, and crying (me), and more talking. And then we both agreed..."Yep, boy of such-and-such age, with such-and-such special need...he's ours." 

And then, in one instant, an unknown face becomes so much more. More than a gender. More than an age. More than a special need. He becomes our son. And I wonder why God would give ME such an incredible calling. Being a mother means being a living sacrifice. And I've been learning to give more and more. And to my new son, I say...All I have is yours. My heart, my energy, my time, my everything - it's yours. And already, I love you.

Here he is. Isn't he a love? He's 2 1/2 and he has a medical condition that will take up a whole blog post on it's own, so more on that later. (We don't have a name for him yet, but I will call him XT on this blog until we do.)

Remembering

One year ago, I took Camden to the park to take pictures of him wearing his Big Brother shirt holding Luyana's picture. I remember the ecstatic feeling I had that day, we had finally locked her file and had been officially matched with her. It had taken several emotional months to get to that point. Today, a year later, I took Camden and Luyana to that same park. I happened to have my camera with me, so I promised to make the kids cookies if they'd allow me to take some photos in the same spots. (It worked!)  Sometimes I look at her and still can't believe she's here. WOW. How amazing to look back and remember God's faithfulness and His hand in this journey!!

YeYe

There's been something unsettled in the pit of my stomach since we visited Lulu's orphanage. When we were there in December, several nannies came to say goodbye to Lu. They'd scoop her up and swoon away in Mandarin while she arched away from them with a look that said, "Do I know you?". Her eyes would dart back and forth between them and Mark and I. Her expression never really changed during the several hours we were there. She didn't seem happy or sad or scared or anything. Emotionless. I've been worried about this. Did she connect to anyone there? Did anyone cherish her and love her and know her the way she was supposed to be? Even if it was just for a few minutes a day?

When we were home, I'd show Lu pictures and video from the orphanage and she'd point out herself only. I'd point to nannies and other children and ask in Mandarin and English, "Zhe shi shui? Who is this?" No response. She'd point back to herself in the photo and say her Chinese name. 2 1/2 years and she can't even tell me who they are? It didn't seem right.

This past Saturday I decided to give it another shot. I opened the picture files on my computer and called Lulu over. She climbed up on my lap and started looking intently at  the one nanny that is pictured most in the photos....."YEYE!!!" She cried, very excitedly. My mind started turning...yeye can mean grandma in Chinese...I remembered that they called some of the nannies grandma. "This is Yeye?" I asked her. She beamed and I showed her more of the same woman. "Yeye! Yeye!" I was blinking back tears and I pulled up a video. At first Lulu is with some other nannies in the video and then Yeye comes over and Lulu practically jumps off the couch, "Yeye come!!!"  

Mark then came over and said to Lu, "Do you love Yeye?" She nodded yes emphatically with a huge smile on her face. At this point, its all I can do to keep myself from curling up on the floor and sobbing. She was loved and she loved. And maybe she was only loved for an hour a day, but I just needed to know that someone, before us, realized her worth.

It took me about 3 minutes to upload all the pictures of Yeye and send them off to be printed. Yeye is framed in Lu's bedroom and Lu has a little book with photos of Yeye in it that she can carry around. I wish so much that Yeye had come to say goodbye to Lu; I don't know why she didn't and I probably won't ever know why.

The first couple of months were such a hard adjustment for all of us. Luyana in particular, of course. Was she grieving Yeye? Was it too hard for her to look at those pictures at first? Her little mind couldn't yet sort it out, I'm sure. I'm so glad now we can bring the memory of Yeye into our home and cherish it. THANK YOU YEYE, wherever you are, thank you for loving my daughter.

Lulu, 22 months old, and Yeye

Lulu, almost 2 years old, and Yeye playing outside

 

 Yeye helping Lulu cut her birthday cake

Yeye and Lulu, one month before she joined our family